Flash 'n' Dash

Why is it always such an ordeal to get my butt into the bike shop?

So yesterday I spent 2.5h cruising around on wonderful public transit, getting to the UPS customer service centre to pick up my new bike saddle. It’s a Selle Italia Lady Sport Gel Flow. Long name for a relatively simple thing, isn’t it? Anyway, my old Trans Am Lady was getting “smushy” and worn, so I opted for getting another—practically identical—model. Don’t want to take risks when it comes to my ass. Needless to say, for now it’s surprisingly hard and uncomfortable… only time will tell.

The other issue was my floor pump (Joe Blow Sport), which has been giving me crazy readings of 140-160psi and bottoming out there, while the “actual” tire pressure is no higher than 80. I need to inflate to 100-110psi about twice per week, and this is infuriating. Snap, flip, psst, PUMP PUMP … bottoms out. So I release the lever to reset the gauge… wffffffffft. Snap, flip, psst, PUMP PUMP … bottoms out. Tires still soft. I groan and curse; why is cycling so complicated? And then I go for a run. I’ve done two 18k runs already this week, just because I am pissed off at my bike.

So I went to the shop and this Super-Lean-Guy (SLG, married perhaps to a S-L-C) pumps my tires up with a fancy, powerful piece of equipment and reads out the pressure from its fancy, digital gauge. Nice. “Do you want me to pump the back one up too?” he asks. “Er, yes, if you don’t mind…” I say, cringing in embarrassment. #@$%*(& …you’d think I’d know how to use a bicycle pump.

As I head out, he asks if I ever get hot in the sun, wearing all black kit. I say that I just wear black ‘cause I don’t want to be flashy. I say, “I think you need to go a certain speed to be flashy”. He laughs and says “Well I go slow, and I always wear as much white as I can.” I secretly wonder whether he means white shorts as well… then I think of a gazillion better things I could have said, like “I don’t suppose you ever go shopping for women’s jerseys, but if you did you’d see your colour choices confined to pink, lavender, and baby blue. I’m lucky to even have found black.” White? White is a euro colour, to be worn by skinny, flashy, super-serious fast dudes like that SLG… in fact all the SLG’s at my shop, in matching white gloves and shoes for heaven’s sake. They even do ‘cross races in white; maybe whoever stays cleanest gets the Snob Award and bragging rights.