Monday, February 26, 2007

Another Monday Posting

Oh, today was a gem.

Buzz - slap - snooze. Scrabbling with my gloved hand to shut that annoying buzzer up, I awoke to discover my entire body was seized up and sore - payback for yesterday's 25k run outside on unseasoned legs. Why my shoulders ached is still a mystery.

I dragged myself to the coffee pot and back, quads screaming for mercy. Somebody was drilling upstairs, and the landlady was giving instructions to the rough-looking youth who cleans the floors. Then began the daily drill of trying to find clothes to wear to work (one day, I know I will be denied entry because I look homeless).

I make it to the office and head down to the meeting... but I'd forgotten my pass at my desk and promptly found myself stranded in the stairwell. Everyone I knew was in that meeting too, so I climbed back up the stairs and stood outside the door with a forlorn, sheepish look on my face, hoping to gather sympathy. (Of course, I did try the doorbell first, but it wasn't working).

The puzzled woman who let me in gave me a long glance of thinly-veiled suspicion (oh, THIS was the day to wear the suit, geez) and I mumbed something I hoped was harmless as I dashed back for my pass.

The day wore on with monotony. Computer problems kept me from being as "productive" as usual, and the patience of the tech dudes - after a week of the same crap - was wearing thin. Little did they know, that complaining in French was not a good way to hide their annoyance from me (and come on, it wasn't my fault!) I stifled a laugh as the guy walked away, secure in his knowledge that I couldn't understand. I felt like saying something outrageous back, but of course, this is a professional workplace.

So I worked hard all day Friday to make use of this helpful little plug-in with Excel. I think I condensed 10 hours of work into 1. I tought myself a new application with the help of a manual, I made a new report; I felt proud of myself. For 15 minutes at least. And then my boss says: "Oh yeah, I use that sometimes" just like that, you know, like, "Oh, I drink Tim's coffee before work" and "Yeah, that carpet needs cleaning". When he is questioned on it though, he gets flustered. It soon becomes obvious he doesn't know the capabilities of the program. "Oh, well I didn't have as much time to play around with it like she did."

Of course he didn't. No way. 8 hours of work could save 9 hours each month for an indefinite period but no, he didn't have that time.

And hey, I was busy too, all that frickin' nose-picking I have to do ya know? Geez, don't overwork me, changing font size and colour and cell shading, wow, that is certainly taxing my brain.

I don't respond to "hey kiddo". I won't bring your lunch, stir your coffee or kiss your ass. My self-esteem doesn't hang on what you think of my meeting minutes. What do you get then?

Some brains, some passion, a pinch of enthusiasm and a whole fucking tonne of work ethic.
Bring it on; give me all you've got.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Zombie-Beast

Dear Canadian Public:

I apologize to be pestering you with yet another letter, but I believe it is important for you to understand the nature of the beast you are feeding with your tax dollars.

This is a special kind of beast: a zombie-beast. Usually they are born into middle-class households, where the offspring follows the parent’s footsteps not out of worship, but from lack of ingenuity or ambition. Later they devolve into disinterested drones—unquestioning the “job for life”, resistant to change, and forever harkening to “the good old days”. In fact, a zombie-beast’s scope of vision is so narrow, it can even see its own nose! (Ask one and see for yourself)

This is all to ask (oh you poor citizen): “Do you really know what’s wrong with our government drones?” And I will tell you that they just don’t care about anything that doesn’t affect them personally. For example, a mail-processing zombie doesn’t care about the price of stamps, who the letters come from, or where the mail is going — oh no. Said zombie cares only about how sharp the letter-opener is; after all, the other issues don’t really affect it (or do they?).

When a bureaucrat higher on the organizational ladder attempts, tactfully, to explain to a zombie-beast why perhaps some event in this room, in this department, in this city, or in this godforsaken universe might ACTUALLY matter if it doesn’t PERSONALLY and IMMEDIATELY affect said zombie ... well that is like asking a blind man to describe a rainbow.

Communication with zombies is extremely difficult: The ideas go through the air, they hit the eardrum, but they do not enter the zombie’s brain – they do not process. In return, the zombie spews a stream of verbal excess that drowns in its own cliché. I would like to snatch the words out of the air and rearrange them, snip out the unnecessary ones, make them shorter, do a spell & grammar check, send back the copyrighted ones, and rephrase – so that everyone understands. I’d like to jump up and down in front of them and scream: “Earth matters! Life matters! People matter!” but I daresay it would be to no avail.

Until the next coffee or smoke break I remain
Dutifully yours,

Jane Public

Monday, February 19, 2007

Monday is Dumb Day

Dear Canadian People:

I’m surrounded by idiots.

The government employs the unemployable; this is both a noble and smart idea, to keep so many of the unmotivated and unskilled citizens off the streets. This labyrinth of bureaucracy also harbours the socially inept, the “clipping-toenails-in-the-office types”, the “chip-on-the-shoulder” types, the crusty old men and menopausal women, the “know-it-all” young people and the “silver-spoon-up-the-arse” students. Those workers with a light-bulb still glowing in the brain are eclipsed by a majority of public service zombies, whose prime source of satisfaction for the day is choosing the right colour of blue for the title of a certain spreadsheet, or having an argument over the font size of the latest memo, or discussing the pros and cons of embedding a formula and if so, to put brackets around it or not. Real power is relegating the university grads to “minute-taking” and fetching coffees … the last laugh will always go to unrecognized talent.

Ho and hum. While my neighbours hone their Tetris and Solitaire skills I spend my morning in a fruitless search for documentation to explain an inconsistency in a report. After lunch I reformat all of my very nice spreadsheets to match the changing preferences of on high, linking them to more documents that must also be reformatted. The inclusion of a decimal point mandates a complete re-work of all my projects. The rest of the afternoon I will be trying to find answers to an idle request made by a contact far across the country, part of which involves retrieving an email from 2002 and discovering a HISTORICAL BOX.

A treasure hunt beckons; this reads like a mystery novel. If the building had a root cellar, we may well find it there. Until then, my grey matter slowly rots. Whatever this HISTORICAL BOX is, I hope to find my sanity in it.

Ever Your Faithful Servant,

Jane Public

Thursday, February 15, 2007

My Events for the 2007 Season

Ok, now I've officially registered (and paid - ouch!) for the following:

1. Ottawa ING Marathon (May 27th)
2. Ottawa Riverkeeper Olympic-Distance Duathlon (June 16th)
3. National Capital Olympic-Distance Duathlon (August 4th )
4. Canadian Half-Iron Distance Duathlon (September 1st)

Oh my goodness, am I CRAZY? The MARATHON folks, it is the marathon that is scaring me. But the official entry definitely is giving me the motivation to train hard, stop eating junk, lose a few pounds and get disciplined. I'm doing it as a training run, so nobody better expect a sub 4h time from me or nothin'

If my swimming improves I'll try the Early-Bird Triathlon at Carleton U (swim leg in the pool) in May (2 weeks before marathon), and I have the option of another Half-Iron Du in July or perhaps the OBC Grand Prix (yeah right, if I like torture).

Cripes...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

McLogic & Fries

I saw the movie "Idiocrity" last night; and enjoyed it immensely. Sure, it was a terrible movie, but the biting sarcasm really hit home - it's watchable for the embedded nuggets of truth.

Can't everything be "bought"? In the movie, a sports drink company buys the FDA and citizens can no longer drink water. Sports drink comes out of the taps, and even crops are watered with it. Fast food is the nutritional staple. Clothing is peppered with corporate slogans and logos. Biz-speak is an integral part of the language, which itself has been downgraded to a vulgar, childish mix of crudities.

What's so funny (and scary) is that examples of this type of idiocy exist TODAY. Check out this article at CBC: "Would you like Fries with that Food Guide?". McCain corporation takes issue with the fact that the Canada Food Guide recommends that french fries be eaten only occasionally. McCain contends that its "Superfries" should in fact be considered a healthy food choice, much like fresh vegetables and fruits, and are suitable for frequent consumption.

Duh. What is that, 6-year-old logic? And by the way, here's a shocker:
Health Canada also recommends that Canadians find nutritious alternatives for ice cream, cake, and soft drinks.

Watch out people, we're surrounded by idiots. Don't let multinational food companies buy out YOUR health and wellness.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

What the heck is Public Trust?

So I promised to write a post about Public Trust... but what is it really? I could get into a boring rant about social capital and cohesion, about building a sense of community and teaching each other about the priorities of humankind... but see, you're asleep already.

I think the Public Trust has at least as much to do with the tiny, seemingly insignificant daily interactions we all have with one another as much as any grandiose philosophy. Some examples?
  • The bus driver on the #4 taking one of my tickets and giving it to an old lady who lost one of hers (note: he let me get on the bus too!).
  • My swimming classmates encouraging me to dive off the block as I shook in terror.
  • The girl at the Y loaning me a padlock for free because I forgot mine at home.
  • The guy in line at the grocery store today letting me go ahead of him with my small basket of stuff.
  • My neighbour fixing my door with bike lube at 10pm.
Public trust is when you don't have to sit in front of the clothes dryer for an hour because you know that no-one will swipe your stuff. It's paying back loans promptly and returning favours. It's counting on the innate goodness and character of your fellow man. It's realizing that we're all in this game together folks; our futures are intertwined.

Can I say that this Public Trust has declined over the last decade? Century? I really don't know. Social cohesion may tend to be stronger in smaller, self-sustained communities, and according to Robert Putnam (whose book "Bowling Alone" has provided me with much fodder for writing over the years), the North American infatuation with the boob tube is one of the root causes of our modern discontent.

So turn off the TV and hug your kids...
...Or your gf/bf.
...or your dog/cat.
... or your bike.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Even my Dutch parents think I'm cheap

Yesterday night, my mother called.

I told her about my apartment search and my food experiment. She suggested that I could now afford to spend more money on rent and food... yeah, this to the girl who runs halfway across town just to make it to Carleton and back on one bus ticket.

Tonight, my father called.

My mom had filled him in. He suggested that moving to an apartment with more than one room does NOT make me a spendthrift.

Then he offered to drive up to Ottawa in his pickup truck to help me move my stuff (read: all of my stuff could probably fit in that pickup truck). And this - THIS is coming from a pensioner (he's 60 and just applied for CPP) who was born in the Netherlands: home of the Stubborn, the Proud, and the Frugal.

For crying out loud, my parents think that debt is the unforgiveable sin! And they say that I now deserve the luxury of a real apartment with a real oven, a real toaster, a real bedroom, a real bathtub!!

I'm still in shock.

Well they're still old-fashioned; I mean c'mon, global warming can't exist because... well isn't it so cold out now in February?

I said, "Call me again in July".

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

FYI: What I Ate Today

Not that anyone actually cares what I ate today, but this day - even though I'm getting sick and skipped my workout - marks the beginning of the "shave 30 mins off my Half-Iron Du time" phase. On another note, I have to run everywhere now: it's so cold!


Saturday, February 3, 2007

Eating Cheap: A Summary of Lessons Learned

I've already given the financial results of my one-month, $5-a-day eating experiment, and now it's time to summarize the lessons I learned about food value, hunger, and self-discipline.

1. The first thing I realized is that some foods (prepared foods, most meats, and convenience items) have no place in a bare-bones budget. Even a simple medium coffee from Tim Horton's costs $1.24, which - nutritionally speaking - is a total waste of money. Multiply that by 5 and presto! ...you have Starbucks extravagance. I used to think a $4 breakfast at Subway was a deal... but all of these items must be eliminated on the $5-a-day budget.

2. On the other hand, I discovered some very nutritious and wholesome foods that are scandalously cheap: dried beans/ legumes and peas, brown rice, barley (and other dried whole grains), onions, and root vegetables (potatoes, turnips, carrots). Slightly more expensive, but certainly affordable and nutritious are the following: multigrain pasta, canned tomatoes, canned tuna, canned baked beans, wholegrain bread, peanut butter, frozen vegetables in bulk bags, oatmeal (quick and instant), juice from concentrate, and bananas. Foods that could be consumed in moderation on the $5-a-day diet are: eggs, pancakes from mix, apples purchased in bulk, milk purchased in 4L bags, cured ham, certain brands of cereal, several types of fresh greens (head lettuce on sale, or bagged spinach), and tea and coffee (packaged in bulk cannisters or boxes).

3. For the first few weeks, I experienced hunger in a new way as I struggled to meet nutritional requirements on my budget; several times, I felt the pain of hunger and the craziness that ensued. I realized what it was like to enjoy bread and water after feeling my stomach gnaw into itself all afternoon. I fought to concentrate at work when all I could think of was my empty stomach. Beans and rice became a veritable feast, and I gained a whole new appreciation for the lowly peanut butter sandwich.

4. I learned how to cook dry beans, and did so for the first time in my life. I now know what navy, pinto, mung, and Great Northern beans look like. I learned that lentils and split peas are the only dried legumes that do not need to be soaked before cooking (just rinsed), and that lentils contain 16g of protein per cup (cooked). I learned the difference between pearl, pot, and hulled barley, and cooked it for the first time in my life. I now know that barley water was traditionally used to treat digestive ills. I prepared and ate TVP (textured vegetable protein) for the first time in my life - and survived.

5. I learned that I don't "really" need to go to the grocery store every day. It won't kill me if I don't eat whatever I want, whenever I want, in the quantities I want. I don't "have" to have pita & hummus, steak & mushrooms, or chicken nachos when I could just as easily satisfy my hunger with bean stew & rice. One cup of milk will suffice, even if I would have preferred to drink a litre. A 3/4 serving of whey protein is ok for the day. I don't need dessert, junk food, or more than 2 cups of coffee in the morning - and I enjoy the coffee I make at home.

6. I learned that I eat more food than I need to. Ok, so I'm not gaining weight. I'm very active. I try to eat healthy foods. But I still eat more food - in quantity and in mass - than I need to. It won't hurt me to eat less; in fact, it felt better. I felt more energized, cleaner, and lighter. My body wasn't overloaded after a big meal; I was ready to run. I did literally run everywhere. My heart rate lowered. I probably added a day to my lifespan.

7. Finally, I learned the best lesson of all: that my friends are the greatest. And again I send my most heartfelt thanks to everyone for the food and encouragement, and for the celebratory brunch this morning at Cora's ... stay tuned, as for the rest of the month I embark on a bodybuilder's diet and continue blogging about what's green, and other goings-on in this city.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Wrap-Up

I don't know how many $ worth of food I ate today, but both in quantity and price I ate more by far than I have any other day for the last month...

What did I spend it on? Chicken, milk, whole-wheat nachos, flavoured tuna, and spinach.

In fact, I ate $4.50 in chicken alone tonight, $2.50 in nachos and $1.50 in milk. This is my day of feasting, but then I gotta get back to living cheap... oh and by the way, I did make my own salsa today with canned tomatoes and leftover onion, garlic and spices. (Pulse in a blender and enjoy!) See? I'm tainted with frugality.

I promised a financial summary today, and here it is:

January cost of food consumed (regular) $132.46
Add: Gum (1 pack) $1.59
Add: Discarded food not already counted (8 eggs) $1.27

Total $135.32*

*Caveat: remember I must theoretically eat the remainder of my January food (beans, rice, pasta, soup, frozen veg, etc) to realize the difference.. If I end up ditching the uneaten portions one month down the road, I would forfeit my savings. Thus, the experiment really has changed my opinion about what constitutes good food, good value, and what is really necessary. I also am even more fanatical about wasting food (Don't!)

So I came in $19.68 UNDER budget for the month, and this is thanks to my friends and other benefactors who came to my aid! When compared to the 3-month average of my grocery bill prior to this experiment, I saved $205.14. As it turns out, eating cheap was a useful skill to learn while waiting for my first paycheque (and indeed now too, after paying my bills and using up said paycheque).

Due to my precarious situation now and my overwhelming need to move out of this apartment before I keel over from claustrophobia, I'm going to have to hold off on the donation for a week (until, fingers crossed, I get my next paycheque!) As always, stay tuned... and if you see any good places for $700-900 incl. centrally located, TELL ME (no basements please).